so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How naked do you want me to be?
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