i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
