1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
