After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
