halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
