first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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