Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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