I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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