Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
