woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize