Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
