bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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