I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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