I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We have started to decorate penises.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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