So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
