Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
