i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
