You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
