WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
