I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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