why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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