She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
