I am midnight drunk by noon
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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