it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
