you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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