mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i now understand why vodka
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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