Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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