You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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