I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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