Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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