He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
