I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
