So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize