if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
