Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
