pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
