Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
