I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
