My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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