youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
