You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
