Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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