if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
