I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
