I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
