Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
