Sry I called you an 8
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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