ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
