You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I had to cum in my sink.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
