I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
