White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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