I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
