Where is the hickey?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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