this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
