I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am one with the molecules
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
