Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
