Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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