I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
