So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
