Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just cropdusted the office
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
