i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize