The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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