The maid of honor just puked.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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