I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize