I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
its liver damage thursday
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
