shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
