Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
