Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
