I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
