Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
