I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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