You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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