Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
