I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
did you just send me my own nude
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
