It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
