***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She needs sedatives and a leash
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
